bird cage

bird cage

Monday, February 27, 2017

Endless Hobbies

This is worst life i had ever. So many things i want to do but all this are money spending. I haven't got a job yet and all those art stuff keep attracting me. I want to learn how to pipe buttercream, i want to make a clay model, i want to draw/paint, i want to make a game, i want to make a short film, i want to write a love story...

There are a few things i'm doing right now. And this is bad. Really BAD!

Especially, art stuff it takes time. And because of these, i eventually forgetting i still have to search for a job.

Huh, job, job, job.

$ $ $

Endless loop...

By the way, just try a new drawing software yesterday. By trying the function inside, first i drew my brother. (He personally request it, so...) Here it is:

Handsome and smart right? XD

Friday, February 10, 2017

Am i progressing?

Remember i wrote a new year resolution before? Guess not. Well anyway, i'm trying to do what's make me happy and i feel want to.

This social anxiety (what i assume i have it) it really bugging me and avoid me to find a job. Look, i want to get a job, i want money. But the fear inside of me is really hard to do so. For more than half year, i still where i am. I haven't got any proceed in my life. Look at everyone is doing great in their life, this feeling is making me sadder and depress.

In order to prevent me thinking negative and suicidal thinking, i do a lot (maybe not a lot) things to balance my feelings and thoughts. I tried to learn baking, rpg making, writing fiction story and video editing.

I don't know whether i'm proceeding, but at least i learn some editing skill and rpg making skills (as for beginners). About the story, i'm writing almost 1/3.  The whole concept is planned, every idea was written down. The only left is the details and some small part of things to write.
(Still learning and discovering how to make things)

*video editing- just post a short gameplay video on youtube. (but still suck at editing)

Swiss Meringue Buttercream is better than basic buttercream

At last, i found my favorite recipe that frost my cupcake beautifully (i know it may not be seen really that great, you know, newbie on piping). Before that, i tried many times on basic buttercream so that i can practice on piping some pattern (like flowers)  but every time i made it end up failed. Each time i make it always became runny and melty. Although i put in the fridge but after taken out for a minute it starts to melt again. Huh...i feel so frustrating. 

I've been considered to make swiss meringue buttercream many times but, since it uses egg white to whipped up, consider the safety issue, so i try to step back. But then, no matter what i do, the basic buttercream still not successfully make. Therefore, i end up to try this recipe.  

After i tried this, i found that it is less sweet, more fluffy and glossy than the basic buttercream. It is easy to pipe and it stay it shape longer. Although, somehow i still find this recipe a little bit melty but still be able to hold it shape.  

This recipe is from a comment from a video which he/she has been cutting the recipe into a small batch. (Great for experiment) 
*Safety consideration= use pasteurized egg

2 egg whites
110g sugar
150g unsalted butter

  1. Use the double boiler method, warm the egg whites and sugar while continuing stir to prevent egg whites being cooked. It ready to whip when it reach 160c and the sugar is dissolved.(rub it with fingertips and it smooth)
  2. Use hand mixer/ stand mixer to whip the egg white until stiff peak and it cool to touch.
  3. Then scoop/cube the butter (small amount) one at a time to the egg white with slow speed.
  4. Then turn to high speed and continue to whip the frosting. 
  5. Be patient, it takes sometimes to whip until desired fluff and smooth buttercream.  
  6. If it runny, pop in the fridge for 30 mins, then continue to whip. 

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Dear Relative

To all my relative,

  I know you guys so care to the family, even you know i haven't work, and you introduce me a job. I am appreciated that. I am truly thankful. But, it just... i don't know how to tell you. With a hard time that i'm fighting for, right now, is not someone or anybody who would understand.

Did you get it? It just like,
Me: Oh my god, my house is on fire! Help!
Relative: Hey i know the way to help you. Walk about 2 hours from here, there is A BUCKET of water there. Go get it!
Me: I look at her and look at my problem.

See the problem there? I guess not, i still haven't tell anyone about my problem. So, they would think NOT THING PROBLEM I have.

Huh~ I know i should be grateful if there is someone to help but look at my problem first. I...fine. Whatever i say, people just telling me i'm ok. I have NO PROBLEM AT ALL! It just that I'm thinking too much, blah blah, blah.

Maybe just leave me alone would be better.
From: a girl with appreciation but not really